Currently Threshold By HammerFall see related

Learn, follow, or get outta the human race

Disclaimer: I am not pro-war, against troops, or own "Thriller". I could care less what you do for a living, and hope that if you have a job where you have a risk of getting  shot, that you don't. Be it soldier, congressman, or Westcoast Rap Artist.
                               -Chris

The following is NOT a 'Deep' Comment. If you have said the following, you are not philosophical, or intelligent.

"Why is it when Michael Jackson dies, everyone in the world is mourns, but when 10,000 soldiers die no one cares"

SHUT UP! Who the fuck cares about any of that shit. I will tell you why no one cares. Because it is a soldiers job to DIE.
Period.
That is what they enlist for, is to shoot at another person that is shooting back at them. Mortality rate, pretty high on that job. So no one cares when soldiers die, except their families, because that is what you are getting paid for. So no one is going to mourn you, care for you, or think you are sacrificing yourself for them. You are wanting everyone to stop what they are doing and a shed a tear when someone does their job? Is that what I am hearing? Well the next time I am in line at McDonald's and a group of G.I.s are in front of me, they better start balling their eyes out when the fry maker hands them some hot, delicious, golden fries. Tears streaking down their faces, saluting with their eyes to heaven. Because goddamnit, that boy is doing his job!
Same thing, right? I think it is. And apparently so does everyone else in the United States. They won't admit it, but their actions show me this is how they feel.
People care when celebrities die because they have seen tons of their movies, listened to days worth of their music, or seen their asses grow fat in Enquirer for years. People feel connected to celebrities.
Even though they don't give a shit about you, they would rather you just sit at home, buy their merchandise and leave them the hell alone.
So when one celebrity dies, people feel like they just lost a best friend. But it is really like a Cool Kid in school dying in an alcohol related accident. You know the ones I am talking about, where when the paramedics pull 'Little Billy' out of the car, you can't tell where his head ends and the steering wheel begins and he has a bottle of Jim Beam in his ass and three tranny hookers are burned up in the back seat. Well, when 'Little Jimmy' has a funeral all his close friends show up, and his family is there. And then all the Fat, Ugly, and genuinely UnCool kids come to his closed casket- because lets face it it's gonna be closed at that point at least for the fact that when on impact the tranny's genitals where severed by Billy's molars, and just wouldn't come out right in the autopsy room so they had to break his jaw completely off. Lets face it, no one wants to see that. Especially me, I mean how embarrassing would it be for me to see that sight and have a hard on right in front of Billy's grandma.....Awkward!- and the lame ass kids are crying, "Oh, Billy. We were such good friends." and "Oh, Billy! I am gonna miss you!" But everyone there knows that Billy didn't know who the fuck these boring pock-scarred douches where.
Well, when a celebrity dies, and you go to mourn or watch the precession on television...you are the fat, zit necked, lame ass douchbag. You are what is wrong with the world. People so boring and disillusioned with their life they make friendships with characters on Television. What is wrong with you people.

You are not special. You are not smart, and you are not going to change the world. in sixty years if you are lucky the only ties you will have to this world will be a eroding gravestone, overgrowing with crab grass, and no one will remember a thing about you. This goes for doctors, soldiers, most celebrities, and 99.9% of the population of the world. Humans are here to procreate and make more humans so the species goes on.

Now don't get me wrong here, I am not a Michael Jackson sympathizer. The man has numerous accounts of molestation charges against him, and was more than likely a pedophile. No one cared about his music for the last decade of his life, so the best he had was put out. So what is with all the tears. No one cared about him when he was alive, so why now when he is dead. I don't understand it. It is like when a great grandparent dies that you stuck in the nursing home and visited once a year for an hour dies and everyone shows up and cries. I am pretty sure that is not a sad occasion. Dad saves 300 bucks a month now, and great grandpa doesn't have to shit through a tube in his stomach.
Hell, that sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Plus, that is why old people die...because they want to. Being old sucks...but I am getting away from the subject.

So to all the honorable soldiers out there, keep on fighting for america, because someone has to and the rest of us are too busy becoming doctors and lawyers with our superior 95+ I.Q. scores. And lets face it, some people are just sickeningly resistant to being brainwashed, you boys are special. Just like the teachers said you were. And the only way that america will ever mourn troops as a whole is if we ever drafted Sylvester Stallone. But then again he would have probably won the war in three days or so.

Currently Listening Beethoven: The Nine Symphonies see related

Obituary of The Human Spirit

The Human Spirit died today at the ripe old age of 5 million. The Human Spirit, a major player in the rennaisance, along with middle-age europe, died in it's sleep Nov. 4 2000, but was not declared dead until Apr. 4 2008, because no one was aware that it was missing. The human spirit had been struggling with a terminal condition of Ignorance, which was complicated by a case of rap music and mediocre novals.
The Human Spirt was preceded in death by the Collective Conscience and, therefor, will not be missed.

           Humanity is dead.
           From the time that Homo Sapiens looked to the stars and declared, "I am Man, and I will make myself known to you!" Humanity has strived to better itself. We have evolved into the greatest species earth has ever seen. We were more self aware of all things that past and future could hold for us. No matter how hard religeon, death, and nature tried to stop our spirit, it held fast to the course. Our spirit lived on.
          We loved. Yes it is true, humanity loved. Not just watched people on Television play out a scripted romance, by two people who hate each other in the real world. Or had to tell who the father of their children are by appearing on a day time talk show. We loved, and lived for that love. It is what moved us, inspired us.
            We wrote concertos and symphonies. Beautiful works of art by Artists, geniuses. Today, what do we have? Not the genius of Beethoven, Vivaldi, or Chopin. We have music "sampled" from earlier songs with rap or some tart in a mini-skirt singing over it. It is reminiscent of a collage done by kindergartners. Taking works from other artists and then sloppily pasting them about on construction paper and saying you are an artist. This is the best we can do? Why are we so obsessed with people that have no talent. No artistic genius.
            We pay to sit and watch a movie, that we have seen a thousand times over, laugh at jokes that are predictable, and see the ending that makes us feel like the world is right. If we watch a movie that the hero dies, or he doesn't get the girl at the end, it is concidered a bad movie. We are paying so we don't have to think.
             Humanity is so lazy, it lives to watch a television show, where other people are shown living. If you spent as much time playing with a band and honing an art as you do watching Gene Simmons or Ozzy Osbourne on TV, you could be the rock star. What the fuck is wrong with you. This is not entertainment, it is just wasting time until your die. Actually I take that back, you have to live before you die, so you are just wasting time until your natural functions cease and your work has to find someone else to place in your cubical. 
              "They" want you to sit in your chair, watch other people live, so you will feel content enough to go out and work. They do not make anything of value, because the money you make in short isn't worth anything. If musicians and filmmakers actually produced anything of value, they would be on the losing end, financially. 
               Money is worthless, always has been. It is the reason that nothing is produced. It has been proven that people are stupid enough to waist their time to buy mediocre art forms so they do not have to try. No one has a creative voice in their head. I will write you a love song now....
                I miss you baby, missed you for so long
                You love's what keeps me going, helped me write this song
                Wanna be with you forever girl, hold you through all the years,
                 Hold back your sadness, dry off your tears.....

                This took me two seconds, no thesaurus, and lay down a backtrack of a song from the eighties and you got a hit. Grunt a little bit while you sing it, tune down to C, and distort your guitars so much that people don't realize you can't play and it could also be the next Emo-Metal Ballad.  Goddamnit, music sucks today. All bands sound the same, for some reason bands tune to a low B or C and distort the hell out of their music. While their lead singer sings in a high pitch, way to high to warrent that sound. Tuning low doesn't make you hardcore, Ozzy and Maiden didn't tune that low and Iron maiden has got some heavy music. Take all bands today, (Panic at the disco, Korn, Disturbed, ect.) and kill them, or send them to music school  Let them hone an art. There are hundreds of different chords on a guitar you can work with, you don't have to just learn three. Or maybe I am the moron and they just found the three that work and don't need any other ones. In that case, buy a smaller necked guitar. 
                All humanity is doing is trying ways to increase it's dwindling life force with medicine that let the weak live long after natural death is to happen, and then say that cloning is playing god. Let me tell you, you play God everytime you take a pill or teaspoon of cough medicine. If you really wanna use the tired-ass God Schtick, think before you talk, ass bag. 
                The only time that humanity was so blind to it's own failures was the dark ages. Where for five hundred years after the fall of rome, all they invented was a harness for plowing. No thought was given to creating, no care was taken in their works. They were dead, and the black plague should have wiped them out, for another species to have their chance. But it didn't, and luckily, humanity made a comeback, after they killed countless muslims in the crusaides and stealing their writings and ideas. We came back with the renaissaunce, our music and art was better than ever. Our soul, whatever it is, was in everything that was created. We lived for life, and cared for all our works. A great time in human histroy...
              Now we are in the middle ages again. Where the best thing we can think of is a fuckin computer cell phone. Where are the flying cars and jetpacks. Where are my sleazy androids that will do anything on command. Oh, wait. They are in the military. Also, think about this. If we are in the dark ages again, and humanity is dead, like the dark ages. Is it some form of rational that believes fighting with muslims will bring the spark of life back to america and europe. Are we in a crusaide again. Perhaps it is our default switch. 
               Well, I think that humanity had a good run, even had more years than it was supposed to. But people, don't you think that it is time to pull the plug and go out gracefully and with dignity. Instead of reaching for life with gnarled hands between our rasped breaths. Ah, fuck it. Do one of two things after reading this, kill someone or yourself. Or get your ass into collage, learn a trade, and create something of meaning and beauty. No one will like it, because people only care for what they have seen before, but at least when you do die, you will have done your part so that our ancestors did not call out to the stars in vain. 

Currently Listening Dusk... And Her Embrace By Cradle of Filth see related

The end is near...possibly...someday?

          With the meteor that landed in peru recently, causing many of the locals to become sick, a very real threat has come forth in my mind...
           Zombies.
           Let me ask you this, pal. If a bloated corpes came knocking at your door in the middle of the night, would you be ready to protect yourself and your family? I doubt it, because you say, "Chris, zombies aren't real." Oh yeah. You just tell that to the last teenagers to be having sex in a cemetary, only to be torn apart and eaten by zombies.
          What? You can't find any account of that ever happening? Exactly. Those zombie bastards are slick. Biding their time. They just don't have the numbers, or Maybe it never happened. I'll give that to you. But it's Murphy's Law. If it can happen. It will.
            So if their is some corpse animating radiation floating around in space somewhere, it is just a matter of time before it radiates a meteor that is bound for earth. Then...BAM! Zombie central all up your fuckin' shit hole, you bastard. So it is always good to have a plan in case of those specific events. Here is mine.

             I wake up, in the morning only to see on the news that a small meteor that has struck earth has radiated the atmosphere causing the dead to rise. I do not skip a beat, no time to waste, there is work to do. After my morning wood subsides of course. And with the thought of killing thousands of people in my mind, it could take a while, but eventually it will happen and to quicken the process, I will do what I always do to subside a hard on. I picture Batman and Robin doublefist ass-raping the Joker (played by Jack Nicholson and yes, they are both using two fists on him.) While I repeatedly hit myself in the scrotum with a monkey wrench. Works everytime within fifteen minutes. 
              First, I run to the basement and take a claw hammer to the heads of all the dead kids that are in there. Cause that is all I need is a bunch of little nibbling zombie bastards attacking my ankles because they are mad that I chained them to a bench and force them to make knock-off Prada bags until they died of starvation or exhastion. You know what, I produce a nice public service here. How else are ugly, over weight girls that done nothing with their life but sit around and cry because no one likes them because all they do is sit around and cry...because no one likes them, going to make people think they are worth something, without expensive objects to surround themselves with? Well, they can't afford this with the government money sent to them because they let some loser knock them up right outta high school, and now he is moved to another mobile home across the way to knock up her sister? Those girls need affordable, yet high quality fashionware. And I can give them that With Lupe's and Jose's help of course. But I digress.
             After disposing of the children, I grab the zombie hunter's tools that I will need. A sledge, and a crowbar. A lot of people will ask about the other weapons some amatures might grab. A gun? Well what happens in the middle of a Zombie-Crowded street when, while doing a fine job of picking off zombies, you run out of bullets? A clip can hold about seventeen bullets, depending on the weapon and one chambered. We could be facing thousands of zombies. Do the math. 
             Well, how about a machette? Jason makes it look fun on campers. Well that is true, and during my snuff film days working as "The Machine" from 8mm, I did enjoy the good ole machette. But think of practicallity. We are not talking about running through the forest chasing zombies. We may be in an urban enviroment, and possibly coming up against obstructions such as locked doors, wooden fences, and numerous other things that a machette cannot hope to break into to. Good at taking off zombie head, bad at breaking and entering. Leave it. A small pocket knife will do just as well for the tasks that may need a blade to perform. But nothing more, it would just be weighty and cumbersom.
          A sledgehammer and crowbar on the other hand have nearly limitless possibilties. Both work well in breaking down obstructions. And if you can get some good aiming going, the clawed end of the crowbar can stuck in soft rotten flesh of a zombie catching him to hold him in place, while you smash another zombies skull with the sledgehammer. 
           Now alot of people think that the 12lb. sledgehammer is too heavy to swing at zombies all day. Well this is just a preference for me. they make smaller versions of them. A nice four or six pound hammer could do it nicely. It takes about 30lbs of pressure to crush the average human skull. So, theoretically, if you were strong enough you could use your bare hands, but I don't really wanna touch zombies all day. They are like homeless, you will never wash that smell off of you.
           Now you will wanna get together some friends, about five or so. Have them surround you, so in case of a zombie attack you have a 1 in 6 chance of being bitten. Good odds, not great. And find an apartment building with at least 5 floors and has a fire escape leading to the roof. Get to the roof and guard that fire escape with your life. Zombies are clumbsy and more will probably fall off than actually get up the steps, and you can play a nice little game of 'whack a mole' with them as they bob thier heads up from the ladder.
           Another good Idea is to capture a zombie, place them in shackles and gag thier mouths. Then have a friend if you don't have the stomach for it. Brutally rape his rectum. Then spank him with a paddle, and toss him back in the fray. This will do two things. Teach that zombie a nice little lesson about coming up that ladder and if zombies do have a form of communication it can tell all the others what horrible things you do to zombies you take 'alive'. That may detur further zombie attacks for a time. If it works repeat as necessary. (I say rape a male zombie, because it is more humerous, raping females is wrong zombie or no. This has been a public service announcement for the Ethical Treatment of Women Living and Diseased.)
          Finally, what if the unthinkable happens. That zombism is actually spread through saliva. (And not just the feeling of numbness and stupidity after you listen to the band.) And you are bitten. First off, do not tell anyone. If they haven't seen you bit cover the wound and go about life like nothing happend. If someone did see you, kill them, and tell the others that they were bitten by zombies and you done it for the good of the team. Now you will want to get everyone to a safe room with no windows and a pad-lock on the inside. In which you will have the only key (be sure to purchase padlock and key before hand.) Leave all weapons on the outside, so no one can get out of this room and after locking the door, throw the keys under the door so no one can get them. Now wait to become a zombie and eat your friends. Because there is nothing worse than going hungry, so enjoy.

          I hope that this helped everyone and gave them a few ideas on how to deal with a crisis. Until it actually happens. Keep your friends close, because the more you have, the more you can eat.   

Currently Reading Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret By Judy Blume see related

Chris Eades, For Pope 2030.

                    What do I wanna be when I grow up, who the fuck knows. I thought I wanted to be a porno star, but the good lord appearently thinks that would be a bad idea, being that he gave my 14 inch dick to an asshole named John Holmes and then let him die of aids. I guess by that logic, I could reclaim my massive honker, but that would require a lot of physical labor, and digging, and who the fuck knows where John Holmes is buried at in the first place. So rotten dicks aside, I am not going to be a porno star.

          Perhaps a fire fighter. This is also a problem, because being that fire really doesn't have a corpreal form, it would be very difficult to hit. Plus it ignites everything that it touches, and those canvas mats at the boxing ring aren't exactly flame retardant, making it as difficult to keep the fire in the ring, as trying to keep a child with A.D.D still while you brutally rape his mother in front of him. What the fuck is it with A.D.D. kids, they can't stay in place for one minute, always trying to get the phone to call the police. The trick is to cut the phone cords before the rape, that will throw them for a loop.

          So, obviously, the next logical answer would be for me to run for the Pope. I would call myself Pope Fancy McNuts, and lace my shoes garrat wire. Just in case an alter boy started to tell on my, I could choke him quickly as he tried to run from me. 
          The job comes with free lodging, extremely gawdy clothing. And all the young boys you can satify in one day. I would be famous for a sexual technique that uses the head of my penis to tickle the ear lobes of nuns. "The Tickling Dick" or "Dickler" as the teenagers will call it, will be known throughout the world as the new hand shake.
          But, I don't think I could take up drinking, cause everyone knows that Jack Daniels is the only thing that washes the taste of alter boy semen out of your mouth, that is why you always see priests at bars. Plus, I probably couldn't get it up to alter boys, unless they were horribly scarred from an auto accident or something. There are just certain things I likes, and certain things I don't.  So after hearing my stance on the tight young boy love, the college of cardinals may not let me be pope, so what is next for Popey McNuts....?

          Ayatolla, a persian term meaning "Sign of God". I could fortify this by tattooing a picture of Jesus glory-holing the U.S. while "Uncle Sam" sucks him off on the other side. Give Jesus a smile and a hearty thumbs up, and you got a legitimate sign from God, tattooed smack dab in the middle of my taint. But what the muslims won't know is that I will have another tattoo on my scrotem, that when folded over 'said jesus' on my taint, it will look more like Keifer Sutherland. That will help me get into heaven, cause Jesus won't take kindly to that 'dick pic' so it is always good to have a back up plan in those cases. 
            As Ayatolla, I will give anti american sermans all throughout the muslim holy lands. All the while having my followers chant "Ayatolla Chris has a Massive Schlonger", cause lets face it the Ayatolla doesn't get much action, so it helps to get the word out.
            I will not have any real Jyhads go on in my term, because once you get to the top and start Jyhading the big boys like Europe or America, then you might get assassinated. And I will be damned if I make it to Ayatolla, just to be beaten to death by french ninja's with loaves of bread. So I will Jyhad canada, claiming that their plaid overhalls are an abomination, mixing earth tones in ways that offend Ala. That'll get their blood-a-pumpin, like a doberman pumpin on a chick who just removed a fresh tampon.

           But in all seriousness, I will probably be stoned to death upon entering the muslim holy land, so I may just go on to my next big idea, Dalai Lama. And when the buddhists tell me that I cannot be the incarnation of their spiritual leader, I will set my body guards upon them. Kung Luo, and Lui Kang. To kick, punch and hat slice me into the spiritual position. 

          But in all cases, I will set up an add on an adult dating site, cause women love power. And I could command the religous nations, and that would be one hell of an orgy. Except for the Buddhists, because an orgy of bald tibetan men, and Richard Gere appeals to me as much as having my pecker flayed by the buck tooth kid that played Alphalpha, from 'the little rascals'. Only mildly, out of curiosity mostly.

Currently Listening Love You to Death By Type O Negative see related

In her place one hundred candles burning,
a salty sweat drips from her breast.
Her lips move and I can hear what your saying, praying.
I say the beast inside of me is going to get ya, get ya. Yeah.
-Love you to death, Type O Negative.

Lets talk about something that I have never disgused on here before. Love. I have never before talked about this because I try to say that it does not exist. of course that does not stop me from talking about god. I guesss that it helps that I am drunk off of a 5th of Cabo Wabo Tequilla too. But lets not get technical about it.

Lets face it, no matter who it is, no matter how old you are. You only fall in love once. After that you hit the bottom. And if you are not with the one you love, then you are just a splat on the ground. An empty shell that is to be picked at by the buzzards. Which has its ups and downs. If you are emotionally dead inside, like myself, then your life will be full of lust and meaningless sex that full fills your carnal appitites. Amen. Like mine as well. I do not care for any of the people I see. To be perfectly honest, I could fuck, kill or pass them by. Because the attraction I feel for them, can be obscured by an evening of jerking off, and after that I have no desire to see them anymore. That is not love. That is lust.

I guess my mother kinda put it into perspective when I was about thirteen. I told her I was in love, which I find out later was not love at all. She said, "Chris, do you just think about fucking her, or do you think spending the rest of your life with her?" Of course, I blew her off. MOm didn't know anything at that time. But she was right, all I was thinking about was fucking the girl. Fogive me, I was only thirteen.

But like I said, you only fall in love once. Everything else is a prelude or just an echo of what was or could have been. I was in love at some point in my life. I was about eighteen, and her name was leslie. It is a love that i think about to to this day. Not a sunset goes by that i do not think about her face, and her words. I find myself drawn to the memories like a moth to a flame. One in the same. With her, I was a poet, I would write her poetry, lyrics, and all other things to profess my love for her. But she was taken from me by her father, who hated me with a passion, for what reason, I do not know. He took her, and put her in a home far away from here. In another state even, to keep her away from me. I talked to her only once, and her mother threatened to send her back to the hom, so I decied to  leave her be. For her own good, I left her. A wound that will never be healed.

Why? Why did her parents hate me? I cannot tell you. I was not trouble, I am a health fanatic. And at that point I was not the famous alcoholic that I am today. I am only an alcoholic becasue of what they done to me. So if I think about it, the callous that has hardened my heart, is because of them.

Why do i not believe in God? Why do I not believe in humanity? Because, at every turn God, man & everything else tries to fuck me over. I had a crush in my life when I was sixteen, and she was killed in a car crash. So for that fuck you, God. And then when I feel for Leslie, she was stolen away, like rapunsle and put in a tower. So fuck you humanity. There you have it.

So if I have learned anything from all of this, is that no one is gaarrenteed happiness. No matter if it is handed to them, or if they had to work for it, like I did. Life is a toilet, and it all is flushed down and turned to a pile of shit. I will die, without the love I deserve, just like you will. Love, is a luxury that all will eveuntually taste, but few will relish. I am one of the few. I have had many lovers...but only one love. And to her I say, " I love you, and I am sorry for leaving you alone. But I didn't want to cause you more pain and suffering. So I let you be, please forgive me. I will love you always." -Chris